One of the most frequently asked questions I get is, "What does PMDD feel like" and it's not an easy one to answer because it varies throughout the luteal phase. The grand finale of it, feels very similar to a panic attack wrapped in the unrelenting desire to die, but the in between is a series of ups and downs. Mostly downs. It goes like this...
Every two weeks, something inside me shifts. Starting with my thoughts. My mood. My sense of self and then my personality. Eventually this shift bleeds into every part of me, clouding my judgement and altering my shaky reality - the perception of it at least. The dysphoria continues and the paranoia begins to run deep. Before I know it, I can’t sleep, despite the deep fatigue that plagues me - ultimately resulting in chronic a state of exhaustion that I can't even begin to describe. My anxiety spikes at an all time high and the desire to shed my unbearable skin becomes stronger than my will to live.
The agoraphobia kicks in and so does the self isolation, often resulting in me putting nearly my entire life on hold until it passes while my body convulses with sobs.
Dramatic I know, but this is the reality for those with PMDD.
If you're reading this and you have PMDD, you know it's not just "in your head." It's in your muscles, your joints, your gut, your skin, your brain... your entire system. While much of the conversation around Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder focuses on the emotional symptoms, the physical, systemic experience can be equally overwhelming. Here's some more of the experience below.
Fatigue
It's a tiredness that steeps into not only your bones, but straight to your soul. I call it soul tired -- where both your mind and body have reached a new level of exhaustion, making self care nearly impossible.
Pain
Headaches that throb behind your eyes. Breast tenderness so severe that a hug feels painful. Joint aches that make you want to saw off your legs just to make it stop. Then there's the muscle tension that settles into your shoulders and neck... gripping you with a vengence. If that wasn't bad enough, then piles on the lower back pain that seems to radiate into even forgotten places. Some describe it as feeling flu-like—that deep, systemic ache that makes your whole body hurt. It's a lot like that, except.. they still expect you to go to work.
Gastro Issues
Many experience uncomfortable bloating that makes your clothes feel too tight. Nausea that comes in waves. Digestive unpredictability along with appetite issues can impact your relationship with food during your luteal phase adding one more issue
Sensory Overload
This is the part where suddenly, the world is too much. All of it. Lights are too bright. Sounds are too loud. Textures feel wrong against your skin. Smells that normally wouldn't bother you suddenly trigger nausea or headaches. Your entire nervous system feels raw and exposed, unable to filter stimuli the way it usually does leaving you a frazzled mess. Perhaps inside and out.
Brain Fog and Cognitive Slowdown
Words start escaping you mid-sentence. You end up having to read the same paragraph three times and then still, retain aboslutely nothing. Even simple decisions feel impossible. Your working memory seems to have abandoned you. Packed it's useful bags and left. Your thoughts feel less like thoughts and more like trying to process the world through static fog or worse...through chronic rage.
Sleep Disruption
It usually goes on of two ways. Either you can't fall asleep despite soul-sucking exhaustion, or you sleep for 12 hours and wake up feeling like you haven't slept at all. Great times.
Temperature Dysregulation
Hot flashes, night sweats, or feeling perpetually cold. Your body's thermostat seems broken, leaving you uncomfortable no matter what you do. This gets worse as you age. Lovely.
If this all resonates with you, please know: you're not exaggerating, you're not weak, You're not "being a little bitch" and you're not alone.
You deserve care, compassion, and support....from others and as well from yourself.
If this resonates with you, leave comment below. I'd love to hear about your experience.
This article describes common experiences with PMDD but is not a substitute for medical advice. If you suspect you have PMDD, please consult a healthcare provider familiar with the condition.
