One of the most common questions I get is : what does PMDD feel like? Well, it feels alot like this....
My heart rate is at alarming speeds. My mind follows a similar speed, thrashing me with thoughts of self hatred, rage, and despair.
My body feels dramatically, sensitive, like a delicate nerve exposed to the crippling air. With a surge of fresh rage coarsing through my veins, I hate everything and damn near close to everyone.
The panic pulsing through my veins does so in hot, frantic waves. My mind ceases to process the world around me. My thoughts, my surroundings, and everything around me becomes indecipherable along with this predicament, I began to perceive them all as a threat. But this doesn't just apply to everyone else. I don't even trust myself.
The paranoia has sunk its teeth in me.
They're out to get me. All of them.
The sounds of existence become excruciating. Even the sound of laughter fills me with rage.
It's a type of existence that I am not sure I can bare. Every nerve feels exposed. The thought of killing myself starts to sound like a bitter sweet melody. I love the tune guide me, seducing me with its permanent solution. It takes everything in me not to give into it.
Three days later, I know start my period and I'm glad I didn't give into my suicidal ideation, but there's this quiet part of me, already dreading next month.
How do people live like this?
