Navigating friendships with PMDD is much harder than I thought it would be.
So much so, that I've written three books just trying to process the experiences.
I'm not sure if it's all of us or if it's just me but I don't get close to people easily. Which may sound silly as you're currently reading some of my most private thoughts. Thoughts that I'm ashamed of, but shouldn't be.
There's no doubt in my mind that friendships would be easier to navigate without PMDD in the equation.
There's countless bridges I've burned in the process of navigating PMDD.
There's been times that I've been far too much.
Too impulsive.
Too brash.
Too needy.
Too quick to pull a trigger, simply because I'm triggered. I've put distance between phone digits and have self isolated in periods of despair. Pun always intended.
And sometimes, when you finally come up for air...the real you that is...you awake from your hopeless and rage filled fog to discover that your friend or friends...have moved on.
It hits like a gut punch, everytime.
One minute you're laughing and texting...the next ...you're convinced they hate you.
If all of this sounds familiar, maybe I can help you avoid some of the heartache that I went through.
How PMDD Impacts Friendships: The Part No One Talks About
Most people (if they've even heard od of PMDD) think PMDD is just "really bad PMS," but anyone who actually lives it knows the truth:
PMDD doesn't just hit your mood impacting your own life...it hits your relationships, especially your friendships, in ways that are hard to explain and even hard to understand.
It's not because you don't care, nor because you're inconsistent, and it's not even because you're "too emotional"…
It's because your brain has been temporarily hijacked...to the point that you're someone you don't recognize anymore. As you stare at your reflection each morning, you may even start to wonder "Who the fuck are you?"
If this sounds even more familiar, you aren't alone. Let's talk about why this happens.
1. PMDD Makes The Real You Disappear
There's a version of you who is relatively social, warm, funny, present, connected, and capable.
And then there's luteal-phase you. And she's none of those things.
During PMDD weeks, even the simplest things feel impossible:
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replying to texts
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making plans
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being "on"
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returning calls
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keeping up with group chats
It's not avoidance.
It's that your brain is at full capacity.
But from the outside?
It can look like you're withdrawing, insufferable, and unable to maintain relationships.
2. You Become Hyper-Aware of Every Tone, Every Pause, Every Word
If you're not familiar with rejection sensitivity, you can read my full article on it HERE.
But to give you the gist....it looks a lot like this:
A delayed reply suddenly feels like abandonment.
A short message reads like anger.
A cancelled plan feels like rejection.
A neutral comment lands like criticism.
Your brain starts running worst-case scenarios:
"Did I upset them?"
"Are they mad at me?"
"Did I do something wrong?"
This isn't insecurity ... it's biology.
Your nervous system loses its logical filter, so everything feels more personal than it is.
3. Conflict Feels Like a Crisis Instead of a Conversation
PMDD shifts your ability to regulate emotions. This another part of rejection sensitivity that comes along with PMDD.
A small disagreement with a friend can spiral into:
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panic
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shame
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tears
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overthinking
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shutting down
People without PMDD don't realize how quickly emotions escalate inside your body, how very "loud" those emotions are or how hard it is to calm them once they start rolling.
4. You Feel Disconnected From People You Love
This is one of the most misunderstood PMDD symptoms.
During the luteal phase, you can feel:
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detached
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numb
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distant
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uninterested in connection
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unsure how to show up
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like you're watching yourself from far away
- empty
It's not that you stop loving your friends.
It's that PMDD temporarily blocks your access to the feeling of connection.
5. You Apologize for Things You Did While Surviving, Not Thriving
PMDD comes with guilt. Lots of guilt. Followed by shame.
You apologize for:
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being distant
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being reactive
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cancelling
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not responding
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needing space
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shutting down
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seeming "off"
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being emotional
- and more
But you're apologizing for symptoms, not personal flaws.
If you had a broken leg, you wouldn't apologize for limping.
But PMDD makes you feel like every symptom is a personal failure instead of a medical one.
Now often, we should apologize because our behaviors impact real human beings who typically don't deserve our medically induced chaos that is hurled into their direction.
But that doesn't mean that you don't deserve grace. You certainly do. So go easy on you.
6. You Start Questioning Your Friendships/ People When Nothing Is Wrong
This might be the quietest, hardest part.
PMDD can make you suddenly believe:
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"No one likes me."
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"I'm annoying."
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"I don't fit in."
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"I'm the problem."
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"My friends are tired of me."
And none of it is true.
It's your hormone-sensitive brain interpreting the world through a filter of fear, exhaustion, and overstimulation.
So… What Does This Mean for Your Friendships?
Managing friendships with PMDD can be difficult, but you can maintain healthy relationships with just a little bit of planning. Knowing when you aren't yourself...goes a long way.
PMDD doesn't make you unlovable it just makes you feel like you aren't. But that's the thing....feelings aren't facts.
The real you is still in there. Luteal-phase you just needs a little more space and grace, and that's ok.
The right people will get it.
