From this moment on, time seemed to fly. Over the course of the next few years, SeaPaints would take me on a journey beyond my wildest dreams. From touring the country to publishing my books to selling thousands upon thousands of SeaPaint shades to meeting thousands of customers along the way - it was all so wonderfully magical. Especially finally getting the beach house I'd always dreamed about. Like I said, it was a journey beyond my wildest dreams, especially for someone that seemed barely capable of surviving PMDD.
Entirely magical.
But all the magic in the world couldn't save me and Molly's friendship. First came the betrayal, and then the breakup, followed by the amends, but in the end I would have to choose. In a fit of PMDD despair, I reluctantly finally pulled the trigger and severed our final string, setting myself free.
The loss of our friendship felt like a hollow ache. A loss that I felt deep in my bones, all the way to my soul.
I lost my dad to Covid that very same day. From that day forward, I was never the same.
Grief sunk its teeth in me, shackling itself to me, chaining me to reality that I couldn't cope with. Maybe I should have been stronger, but I wasn't. I couldn't. Grief soon took over my body and soul in ways that I didn't even know were possible. For me, the pain of losing both my dad and my best friend, was unfathomable. A reality that I simply couldn't cope with.
Being ever so clever, it wasn't long before I found a coping mechanism.
In the days that follow, alcohol becomes my most loyal companion while I keep everything and everyone else at arms length, allowing alcohol to lovingly guiding me through my grief. Or at least, that's what I told myself. Funny how the greatest lies we ever tell, are the ones we tell ourselves.
By the time it dawned on me that perhaps I should pivot from this habit, it was already too late. Much like grief, alcohol had sank its teeth in me.
