Part 1- You’re welcome Susan
It’s been a while since I’ve updated my journey. Things since my last entry haven’t really been the same.
I’m wearing more hats than I was a few short months ago. So our visits are less frequent than I’d like. She’s coming here next week and I can’t wait. I NEED the break.
Things that are still the same:
I’m still struggling with a few of the same life lessons.
Still stupidly attempting to fix people or situations that aren’t my responsibility. I still get burned during these attempts in spite of my intentions. You’d think I’d learn, but I’m just that stupid I suppose.
I certainly still trust those I shouldn’t.
I still assume the best in someone first. These sound like positives, but I assure you, they often don’t work out as such. I much prefer my state of realism. These mermaid lenses I look at people with often gets me way in over my head, but my helpful nature often outweighs this.
I am slowly learning that there’s always a Judas in your circle. No matter how tight you think you are. There’s always one. It hurts less and less each time though. I’m getting stronger. I can feel myself changing to a degree. Part of me thinks of it as an instinctive survival mode.
The other part of me thinks it’s a cold and lonely way to live. I’m still deciding where I want to be. The one thing I’ve gotten REALLY good at though is learning to say no. No I won’t change for you. No, it’s not ok to take advantage of me. It sounds sexual but i assure you it is certainly not.
I’ve been no-ing all over the place lately and I’m seeing an improvement in my quality of life.
Freedom has always been my main goal in life. It’s perhaps why I skipped so many classes. Ahhh to be free, except tuition isn’t so I’m sorry about that Mom.
I thought self employment was the ultimate freedom. To reign your own schedule and work balance. I was partially wrong. The ultimate freedom is getting to be ME. It’s no longer something Im willing to sacrifice.
I’m no longer bothered when I see myself being gossiped about in random craft groups or mom groups. There’s always a Judas in the room. There’s always one, but they don’t matter. For every Judas, my motivation climbs. Because for every Judas in the room, there’s a Susan too. It’s the Susans , that matter to me.